I confess; I reached out to Paul in order to get my body back after the birth of my baby. My goal was that of many new moms; a single digit size pair of pants. My efforts to whittle away the weight weren’t very successful & I was getting down on myself for not having a Beyonce or Kate Middleton style recovery.
Month after month I downloaded countless extreme diet books & lasted on their programs for about a week.Then there were the late night fitness gurus who promised me a completely different butt and/or chiseled abs in around 90 days. I’m just thankful I have a no purchases after midnight policy (It’s like feeding Gizmo in the same time frame. bad things happen) No surprise, I was and still am in the same place I started in. Working with Paul I realized I needed to overhaul how I look at myself and my time and reevaluate my goals.
I’ve had an antagonistic relationship with my body for most of my life. I have a mobility impairment and a condition that causes me a lot of pain and exhaustion. I lost a tremendous amount of weight over about a year a few years ago and was able to do a lot of things I’d always wanted too.
I loved being pregnant and for the first 7 months I felt great, and I loved feeling my baby kick and move around my belly. In the last 6 weeks of my pregnancy I cracked a rib and had severe sciatica. Independently walking around the house grew increasingly difficult and then impossible without my husband or a walker. I felt like my body, which had grown to be my friend and partner turned on me. The inactivity took a toll on my body and my ability; but the pain took a toll on my soul.
After my daughter was born I thought I would be able to go back to exercising and get back into my pre-pregnancy clothes before I went back to work. Between healing from my c-section and taking care of my daughter full time, time was a commodity I didn’t have. I barely had time to make something other than a PB&J for myself let alone get in front of my TV to sweat. I saw my body as a problem something to be fixed.
The Epiphany: My Daughter is a truly a gift to me and my husband. I look at her and my heart swells 10 times bigger. She is the embodiment of love and joy. When I was pregnant I embraced this gift and what my body could do to nurture our baby-to-be. Afterwards I nurtured her but forgot to nurture myself.
Seeing my body as the enemy was setting me up for a vicious cycle of extreme diets that last a week or two and result with my head in a bread bag. Not only is this a disservice to me, it’s a disservice to my little girl and her future relationship with her body. All I have to do is look at my daughter and see the miracle that I carried. The love I showed to both of us when pregnant needs to carry over now 8 months later so that she sees a Mommie who loves and respects her body.
I have to love and accept what my body is now and open myself up to the possibility of what it can be.
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