It's Not About You...

As I prepare to go to bed and wrap up my week to start the next one, one important lesson learned from the week comes to mind..."its not about you".

I've been dealing with a marriage separation for a good amount of time and the hardest parts in the process are letting go, forgiveness, and accountability.  As I deal with my part in the break up, I've gone through the days of beating myself up for things done, and have had my share of placing unnecessary blame on others; not cool!

As I've been journaling my feelings on the situation, I came to an epiphany on the biggest reason why things didn't work out in my relationship; I didn't know what I wanted MY love to look like, be like, and feel like.

Now, that epiphany was huge for me!!  I'm talking about a major breakthrough, because I realized it had nothing to do with anyone else but me.  Now what to do with that knowledge....hmmm...I'll share with its appropriate owner, my Ex.

So when I explain my epiphany and apologize for my part in the breakup, my Ex immediately says, "you don't have to apologize"

I don't have to apologize?!

Well as you can imagine I was taken back and I almost accepted her statement but then realized this apology isn't about her, its about me!!!   I had to clear my painful emotional debris that would keep me from progressing and expanding as a man, a husband (if I get married again), and as a Father.

The moral of the story is if someone apologizes to you, yells at you, belittles you, praises you, encourages you, does anything to you; its not about you.  What others do is an expression of their thoughts and perceptions.  If we are clear in our intentions, or are clearing things from our thoughts that no longer serve us, clarity ensues and will trigger things in us that need expression.

In most cases, especially in today's society, people have limited communication resulting in bubbling emotions and hurtful eruptions.  Cases like that need special attention because we have to maintain awareness to not take their expressions towards us personally.

However when we're in a state of healing and creating internal communication, we can become enlightened to how our perspective on the world creates our world and the good and bad things in it.  Anything we do to acknowledge our roles in good and bad situations is truly a chance to nurture and forgive ourselves.

So remember, "its not about you", and don't take things personally if someone's expressions towards you are negative, and don't be quick to disregard an apology or help from someone.  The positive expression may be their way of expressing their love for themselves which feeds the love for you.

With love, support, and well wishes, Namaste,
Paul

Be Grateful and Be Great

Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday; and yes its because I get to stuff my face with rich, delicious food and enjoy the company of the people I love.But even more important, its because there is always a point in the day that I'm overwhelmed by a sense of gratitude.

Some say it could be the overdose of tryptophan or just to have the day off of work, but regardless, I feel grateful.  The challenge is keeping the grateful feeling going through out the year.

The past year has be a rough one for me with everything happening in my relationship and figuring out the path to take in my personal endeavors.  But overall the biggest challenge has been being grateful for me and appreciating who I am and what I am; and it seems that its a challenge for a good amount of people.

But why...

We live our days in a rhythm of waking up, going to work, handling our responsibilities, and sleeping. And of course, we weave in other auxiliary things that seem to make our life complete.  In essence we're in go mode on a regular basis.  However, for me personally, I realized I didn't take the time to give thanks at those moments that seemed the most mundane.

When I became aware of this I began to make a conscious effort to appreciate the "notes" in the rhythm of my day and several things became clear to me.

• Every situation has a lesson - The most mundane has a seed of opportunity and there is always something to learn.  This came to me at work when I slowed down and realized there were tons of opportunities for me to bring my creativity, wisdom, and skills to even the smallest thing to make my experience better and benefit my employer.

• I tailor made this - This was an interesting one, because when I stopped and gave thanks to me, I realized that a situation I was in, was created by me and is an opportunity for me to remember something special about myself to bring to whatever I was involved in.

• Refocus - I saw that was just doing things to do them, and just running on autopilot.  When I experienced this, I took a step back to refocus on a task and re-establish my intentions and appreciate who I am and what it is, I set out to do.

When I brought awareness and gratefulness to each task, or activity, a sense of empowerment would fill my body like boston kreme filled a chocolate frosted donut. (Hey, its Thanksgiving so damn right I'm going to use a food reference :-)) 

This empowerment is my greatness and its something we all possess but we just forget to remember it in our daily lives.

So for today and throughout the holiday season, be grateful for everything YOU are; your energy, your talent, skills, body, mind, and spirit.  Stay in that space for a moment and experience the greatness within you and when you do that, everything will be amplified and become clear.

Happy Thanksgiving and Give Thanks to You

The Epiphany....

By Special Guest Blogger: Kieran O’Brien Kern

I confess; I reached out to Paul in order to get my body back after the birth of my baby. My goal was that of many new moms; a single digit size pair of pants. My efforts to whittle away the weight weren’t very successful & I was getting down on myself for not having a Beyonce or Kate Middleton style recovery. 

Month after month I downloaded countless extreme diet books & lasted on their programs for about a week.Then there were the late night fitness gurus who promised me a completely different butt and/or chiseled abs in around 90 days. I’m just thankful I have a no purchases after midnight policy (It’s like feeding Gizmo in the same time frame. bad things happen) No surprise, I was and still am in the same place I started in. Working with Paul I realized I needed to overhaul how I look at myself and my time and reevaluate my goals.

I’ve had an antagonistic relationship with my body for most of my life. I have a mobility impairment and a condition that causes me a lot of pain and exhaustion. I lost a tremendous amount of weight over about a year a few years ago and was able to do a lot of things I’d always wanted too. 

I loved being pregnant and for the first 7 months I felt great, and I loved feeling my baby kick and move around my belly. In the last 6 weeks of my pregnancy I cracked a rib and had severe sciatica. Independently walking around the house grew increasingly difficult and then impossible without my husband or a walker. I felt like my body, which had grown to be my friend and partner turned on me. The inactivity took a toll on my body and my ability; but the pain took a toll on my soul. 

After my daughter was born I thought I would be able to go back to exercising and get back into my pre-pregnancy clothes before I went back to work. Between healing from my c-section and taking care of my daughter full time, time was a commodity I didn’t have. I barely had time to make something other than a PB&J for myself let alone get in front of my TV to sweat. I saw my body as a problem something to be fixed.


The Epiphany: My Daughter is a truly a gift to me and my husband. I look at her and my heart swells 10 times bigger. She is the embodiment of love and joy. When I was pregnant I embraced this gift and what my body could do to nurture our baby-to-be. Afterwards I nurtured her but forgot to nurture myself. 

Seeing my body as the enemy  was setting me up for a vicious cycle of extreme diets that last a week or two and result with my head in a bread bag. Not only is this a disservice to me, it’s a disservice to my little girl and her future relationship with her body. All I have to do is look at my daughter and see the miracle that I carried. The love I showed to both of us when pregnant needs to carry over now 8 months later so that she sees a Mommie who loves and respects her body.  

I have to love and accept what my body is now and open myself up to the possibility of what it can be.

POWER

Why do some shy away from their own power?

This is a question I've been asking myself and battling with for many many years.  I've always felt a light within but I've given its brilliance away to others to blend in, to be accepted, to be loved.  It wasn't until recently that I learned that I have to accept myself, I have to love myself and I have to blend and balance my heart and soul intention with my body and mind.

Now that I'm practicing that, I feel power; I feel light, I feel universal.  But most of all I feel love and acceptance.

When people think of power, it seems like most people view it with negative connotations.  But its far from that.  Power is love, vulnerability, acceptance, presence, and awakening as to what truly lies within.

Has the process been easy, absolutely not, but its critical for my survival because my power was so spread so thin that I had little for myself.  It was spread thin by trying to be something for others, or trying to help others rather than helping myself first.  It was spread thin because while being confident, I didn't feel worthy or all the things I wanted in life, and that my friends, created the biggest drain.

We recognize our power by starting to appreciate self and be grateful for self.  Me, you, the people you see on the street in everyday life are special and unique, and amazing.  The most important one, is the one you see in the mirror everyday.  And if that person in the mirror isn't important to you, then everything you see, say, and do is tainted.

What helped me is to embrace the feelings you feel, positive and negative; honor the differences you have from others, and of all things be kind to yourself and watch how you speak to yourself.

Everything you could ever want can be yours because if you can dream it and think it, you have to power and ability to achieve it like no one else can.

So stand up, give you self a hand, and a hug, then place your hands on your heart and say "I love myself through all things, and I have the power to be my best and make a positive contribution to the collective."

Thanks for reading and take time to remember who you are and your power within.

Namaste