As I prepare to go to bed and wrap up my week to start the next one, one important lesson learned from the week comes to mind..."its not about you".
I've been dealing with a marriage separation for a good amount of time and the hardest parts in the process are letting go, forgiveness, and accountability. As I deal with my part in the break up, I've gone through the days of beating myself up for things done, and have had my share of placing unnecessary blame on others; not cool!
As I've been journaling my feelings on the situation, I came to an epiphany on the biggest reason why things didn't work out in my relationship; I didn't know what I wanted MY love to look like, be like, and feel like.
Now, that epiphany was huge for me!! I'm talking about a major breakthrough, because I realized it had nothing to do with anyone else but me. Now what to do with that knowledge....hmmm...I'll share with its appropriate owner, my Ex.
So when I explain my epiphany and apologize for my part in the breakup, my Ex immediately says, "you don't have to apologize"
I don't have to apologize?!
Well as you can imagine I was taken back and I almost accepted her statement but then realized this apology isn't about her, its about me!!! I had to clear my painful emotional debris that would keep me from progressing and expanding as a man, a husband (if I get married again), and as a Father.
The moral of the story is if someone apologizes to you, yells at you, belittles you, praises you, encourages you, does anything to you; its not about you. What others do is an expression of their thoughts and perceptions. If we are clear in our intentions, or are clearing things from our thoughts that no longer serve us, clarity ensues and will trigger things in us that need expression.
In most cases, especially in today's society, people have limited communication resulting in bubbling emotions and hurtful eruptions. Cases like that need special attention because we have to maintain awareness to not take their expressions towards us personally.
However when we're in a state of healing and creating internal communication, we can become enlightened to how our perspective on the world creates our world and the good and bad things in it. Anything we do to acknowledge our roles in good and bad situations is truly a chance to nurture and forgive ourselves.
So remember, "its not about you", and don't take things personally if someone's expressions towards you are negative, and don't be quick to disregard an apology or help from someone. The positive expression may be their way of expressing their love for themselves which feeds the love for you.
With love, support, and well wishes, Namaste,
Paul
